I had a conversation today with a person that is still making the journey out of Crazyville. I am impressed with the level of work that this person has been doing to understand where they are in the process. Even with all that work this person is not yet free and clear of the boundary of Crazyville.
Five things came out of this conversation:
1) There is a good chance that whether we were left or were the one to leave the relationship there is invariably a sense of responsibility for our previous partners well being. I cannot tell you how many times I have thought or have been told that it would be easier if our previous partner was in a glorious relationship and divinely happy. For some reason it would relieve us of that nagging feeling in the back of our heart. That feeling of responsibility or guilt. How to find peace with this is a challenge. I am not sure i have all the answers yet. I do believe that taking responsibility for your part in the relationships failure and quite possibly letting your ex partner know about it is a good first step.
At some point we have to give up the sense of responsibility because it stops us from fully engaging in other relationships.
2) Understand where your allegiances are if you are going to start a new relationship. You have to be sure that if you are in an exclusive relationship that your allegiance is to that person and NOT your ex.
3) Honesty is something we ask for but it is sometimes very hard to offer, especially when you have screwed up. You owe it to your partner or friends and you owe it to yourself. You have to give every one a chance to make decisions based on reality not a smoke screen. Yourself included. Whilst it may be painful to be honest it can be even more painful to be caught in a lie. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results!
4)Be gentle with yourself. When you screw up, own it but be gentle. We all stumble along the way. Don't let your conscience beat you to hell. The fact you have a conscience should tell you that at your core you are good.
5)Remember your travails, avoid repeating them, move forward.
Rivers of POO!![]()
Five things came out of this conversation:
1) There is a good chance that whether we were left or were the one to leave the relationship there is invariably a sense of responsibility for our previous partners well being. I cannot tell you how many times I have thought or have been told that it would be easier if our previous partner was in a glorious relationship and divinely happy. For some reason it would relieve us of that nagging feeling in the back of our heart. That feeling of responsibility or guilt. How to find peace with this is a challenge. I am not sure i have all the answers yet. I do believe that taking responsibility for your part in the relationships failure and quite possibly letting your ex partner know about it is a good first step.
At some point we have to give up the sense of responsibility because it stops us from fully engaging in other relationships.
2) Understand where your allegiances are if you are going to start a new relationship. You have to be sure that if you are in an exclusive relationship that your allegiance is to that person and NOT your ex.
3) Honesty is something we ask for but it is sometimes very hard to offer, especially when you have screwed up. You owe it to your partner or friends and you owe it to yourself. You have to give every one a chance to make decisions based on reality not a smoke screen. Yourself included. Whilst it may be painful to be honest it can be even more painful to be caught in a lie. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results!
4)Be gentle with yourself. When you screw up, own it but be gentle. We all stumble along the way. Don't let your conscience beat you to hell. The fact you have a conscience should tell you that at your core you are good.
5)Remember your travails, avoid repeating them, move forward.
Rivers of POO!
